john m gottman the seven principles for making marriage work

Principle 3: “TURN TOWARD EACH OTHER INSTEAD OF AWAY” This exercise may seem simple but its rewards have enormous power to strengthen the bonds in the relationship. He suggests readers tell each other three or more of their partner’s positive characteristics along with an incident that illustrates each quality. Gottman provides a simple activity to remind couples of the partner they fell in love with, called, “I appreciate”. Without them a marriage is in the danger zone. Fondness and admiration can be rekindled. They have a generally positive view of each other even while they grapple with each other’s flaws. Happy couples honor and respect each other. You can rehearse your partner’s positive qualities or focus on their annoying and negative attributes. You can always ask your partner, “Tell me what is important to you?” or “What do I need to know to better understand you?” Principle 2: “NURTURE YOUR FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION” Gottman provides 60 questions to begin the development of these love maps. When you invest time in knowing each other’s love maps your intimacy and passion for each other will increase. You understand their life dreams and they can name yours. According to Gottman, these couples have “a richly detailed love map.” You know everything from your partner’s favorite salad dressing to what is currently stressing them out. Happy couples are intimately familiar with their partner’s world.

The following is a detailed description of the “7 Principles”, along with powerful exercises to attain each one. “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” is based on over 40 years of research with thousands of couples.

John m gottman the seven principles for making marriage work